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What gets me mad tho—people judgin’ em! Like, “Ooh, escort? Sketchy!” Pfft, chill out, Marge! They’re just doin’ a gig, lookin’ fly, prob makin’ bank. Happiest I ever got was hearin’ bout this one escort who saved a guy from a bad date—swooped in, all smooth, like, “Let’s get outta here, pal.” Hero stuff! D’oh! Why ain’t I that cool?

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Back at my desk, the calls keep comin’. I get a call from a lady on Nottingham Road. She’s lost her keys. I’m like, “Did you check the fridge?” I mean, I’ve heard it all. But she’s not laughin’. She’s dead serious. I tell her to retrace her steps. “Did you leave ‘em at the pub?” I ask. She goes, “I don’t drink!” Well, that’s a first!

North West Leicestershire population rise is forecast to be among biggest in country, says new report