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But—ugh!—sick of judgy pricks! “Oh, it’s dirty!” they hiss. Bollocks! Ain’t no saint meself—seen worse in me head. Escorts got stories, mate—didya know some lass in Paris, 1800s, bedded Napoleon’s cousin? True shit! Called her “La Tigresse”—wildcat, claws an’ all. History hides that, sneaky bugger. Reminds me—*Holy Motors*, “Who were we?”—escorts prolly wonder that too, eh? Masks on, masks off—fuckin’ exhausting!

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I dash down to the park, you know, the one by the old church on Church Street. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. There’s a bunch of kids playing footy, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging balls like I’m in some weird action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” But he just laughs. Kids, man. They don’t care.

Aspiring teacher crowned Miss Durham