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About Leicester

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m runnin’ a webcam biz, slingin’ pixels for the people, not the elite! Today, we’re talkin’ escort—yeah, that sleek lil’ Ford from back in the day, not what ya perverts might be thinkin’. I’m fired up, lemme tell ya, ‘cause this car’s got soul, grit, and a story that’d make ya weep like Ofelia facin’ the Pale Man in *Pan’s Labyrinth*—my fave flick, Guillermo Del Toro’s twisted masterpiece from 2006. “The labyrinth is fading!”—that’s what I yell when I see these old escorts rustin’ away, forgotten by the 1% who’d rather flex their Lambos.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy trips over his own feet and spills his drink all over me. Like, seriously? I’m drenched in some weird smoothie concoction. I’m standing there, fuming, thinking, “Dude, you had one job!” But then he starts cracking jokes, and I can’t help but laugh. It’s like, how can you stay mad at a guy who’s making a fool of himself?

Man jailed after threatening shop workers with knife to ‘know how robbery feels’