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About London

Dahling, strap in, it’s me, Edna Mode—no capes! So, erotic-massage, huh? I’m OBSESSED, like, totally hooked. Picture this: soft hands, warm oil, tension melting—divine, right? Reminds me of *Carol*, that slow burn, y’know? “I don’t know what I want”—Carol’s line, but same vibe. You’re lying there, half-naked, someone’s kneading your back—pure bliss! No capes, tho—too messy, oil everywhere, ugh.

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Meet 20 members of the opposite sex who actually do wish to meet a partner otherwise why would they book. It saves all the messing around with online dating.

First off, I head down to the High Street. You know, the one with all the cute shops? Yeah, that place. I’m thinking coffee, maybe a pastry. But nah, the café’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this old bloke in front of me is taking his sweet time. I mean, c’mon, mate! It’s just a latte!

'Keep our roads safe' - Fines issued as cars are spotted parking illegally