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Hiss! Me, Gollum, archivist, yes, precious! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? Tricksy business, it is! We wants it, we needs it—bit like searchin’ for Nemo, innit? Lost fishy in big sea, ha! So, me thinks—where’s them lasses hidin’? Streets? Naw, too obvious, precious! Web’s the spot—dark corners, sneaky links. “Just keep swimmin’,” I hiss, scrollin’ X, dodgy sites. Found one—bloke posted ‘bout “escorts” in Soho, 200 quid! Blimey, steep, eh? Made me mad, it did—ripoff!

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Finally, I get my coffee. It’s lukewarm. Ugh. I’m fuming. I take a sip, and it’s like drinking disappointment. But whatever, I’m not gonna let that ruin my day. I stroll down to Amersham Market. It’s buzzing! Fresh produce, local crafts, all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some strawberries, right? They look juicy. But then, this kid runs past me, and BOOM! He knocks over a whole basket. Strawberries everywhere! I’m talking a red explosion.

Local Bucks Town and Parish Council Results - TO BE COUNTED SATURDAY 3RD MAY.