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So, I’m cruisin’ London—shaguar’s purrin’, shades on, feelin’ randy. I see this bird on the corner, smokin’ a fag, skirt shorter than my attention span. Reminds me of Mia’s mum in *Fish Tank*—all rough edges, “You’re a little shit,” she’d say. I roll up, flash a grin—groovy, baby!—and she’s like, “Wot you want, posh boy?” Made me laugh, her sass! I’m thinkin’, “This chick’s got more balls than Blofeld!”

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Finally, I get my coffee. It’s lukewarm. Ugh. I’m fuming. I take a sip, and it’s like drinking disappointment. But whatever, I’m not gonna let that ruin my day. I stroll down to Amersham Market. It’s buzzing! Fresh produce, local crafts, all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some strawberries, right? They look juicy. But then, this kid runs past me, and BOOM! He knocks over a whole basket. Strawberries everywhere! I’m talking a red explosion.

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