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oh, and the outfits—fab-u-lous! sequins, heels, strutttin’ like they own the joint. i’d design ‘em somethin’ fierce, but—no capes! too risky, might snag on a chandelier mid-escape. laughed my ass off picturin’ that. escorts got stories—juicy ones. better than gossip rags. ever hear ‘bout the escort who dated a mob boss? dumped him ‘cause he snored! power move, dahling.

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Then, around noon, I get a call from a sweet old lady on Station Road. She’s just lonely, wants to chat. Bless her heart! We talk about the weather, the market, and her cat, Mr. Whiskers. Finally, a normal convo! I’m smiling, feeling all warm inside. But then, she suddenly goes, “Oh dear, I think I left the kettle on!” And just like that, she hangs up. I’m left there, like, “Wait, what?!”

Businessman and his social worker wife assaulted cricket club bar staff after they were asked to leave when sh