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So I’m chattin’ this bird, right? She’s all “50 quid, love” and I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, inflation’s a bitch!” Made me angry, that – used to be a tenner for a quickie! But she’s got them eyes, y’know, like in the movie – “I don’t remember anything” – mysterious, pulls ya in. I’m half-pissed, laughin’, “You headless too, darlin’?” She don’t get it, but I’m cacklin’ like a nutter.

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Finally, the day winds down. I’m exhausted, but I can’t help but chuckle at the madness. I mean, who knew Alsager could be so wild? I pack up, ready to head home. As I walk out, I glance at the sunset over the park. It’s beautiful, and for a moment, all the craziness fades away.

‘A blissful garden getaway’: Manor House Hotel & Spa, Alsager