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Here’s the kicker—didn’t expect her to be clever. She’s rattlin’ off stories bout punters, like this one geezer who paid in rare coins cos he’s a nutjob collector. I’m gobsmacked—prossies see more life than MI6! “Time bends here,” Boonmee’d whisper, and yeah, mate, it’s bendin’ alright—hours slip by, I’m hooked on her yarns.

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But then, just as I’m pouring her drink, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? In the middle of Mrs. MacLeod’s celebration? Everyone starts panicking, and I’m just standing there like, “What do I do?!” I grab a bottle of gin and run outside. Priorities, right?

UPDATE: A9 roadworks and tree-felling around Alness