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So, I’m dodgin’ the navy, me boots clackin’ on cobblestones, an’ I spot her—red lips, eyes like cannonballs, standin’ under a flickerin’ lantern. “What we need’s an impulse!” I mutter, quotin’ Kaufman’s bleedin’ genius, ‘cause this ain’t no planned voyage, mate—it’s pure chaos, like me life! I swagger over, tippin’ me hat, an’ she’s all, “Wot’s yer coin, pirate?” Coin? Ha! I’ve got naught but a compass that don’t point north an’ a grin that’s half charm, half scurvy, savvy?

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a bartender in Alness is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. One minute you’re chillin’, the next you’re dodging flying drinks. So, let’s rewind to this morning.

Alness club Fyrish Gymnastics fears losing training base