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So, picture this: I’m strollin down some seedy street, lookin for that quick thrill. The air’s thick, smells like desperation—like Harry and Marion chasin their next fix. I spot her, leanin on a lamppost, all sass and shadow. “I’m not gonna lose my arm!” she snaps when I ask if she’s clean. Ha! Made me chuckle—girl’s got spunk. I like that. Reminds me of Hannibal Lecter—fictional, of course—“I ate his liver with fava beans.” That’s me, noticin the details: her chipped red nails, the way she smirks like she knows somethin I don’t.

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So, I’m behind the bar, pouring pints of Belhaven and serving up some cheeky cocktails. Then, outta nowhere, a group of rowdy lads from the rugby club stroll in. They’re loud, they’re boisterous, and they’re definitely not here for a quiet pint. They start chanting some ridiculous song about the “Alness Alligators” or whatever. I mean, come on, we’re not even near a swamp!

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