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Ya gotta be careful, tho. Cops stingin’, creeps lurkin’. Once read bout a pimp in Vegas—dude had a pet iguana guardin’ his girls! Swear, truth’s weirder than fiction. Me, I’d be all, “Hi-ho, that’s bananas!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s Vegas, baby! Oh, and don’t get me started on the johns—some real losers, some just lonely. Kinda sad, ya know? “We got a winner!”—Sara’d say, but nah, not always.

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Then, I head to the park near the Alloa Leisure Bowl. I need a breather. I plop down on a bench, and this wee dog runs up to me. It’s all waggin’ its tail, and I’m like, “Aww, mate, you’re the highlight of my day!” I start petting it, and the owner comes over, all apologetic. “Sorry, he’s a bit of a nuisance.” I’m like, “Nah, he’s a legend!”

Alloa man to publish book on life during national service