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This one time, right, I spot her—legs like a war rig, face like she’s seen too many sandstorms. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, *She’s my ticket to Valhalla!* But nah, she’s haggin’ me for fifty quid extra—fifty! I’m ragin’, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Made me so angry I nearly kicked a bin over—dramatic, yeah, but it felt *epic*. “Witness me!” I yell in my head, but I just stump up the cash coz I’m a soft twat deep down.

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So, I keep walking, and I end up on the Alcester Market. It’s buzzing! Stalls everywhere, people chatting, and the smell of street food wafting through the air. I grab a hot dog from this vendor. Best decision ever! I’m munching away, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You know, you look like a matador.” I’m like, “Well, I do fight my way through life!” She laughs, and I feel like a rockstar for a sec.

Alcester braved the weather to bring Christmas cheer to the town