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So, erotic-massage—wot’s the fuss? It’s all handsy, slippery, proper naughty stuff. Not yer nan’s back rub, nah! Think oils, dim lights, some geezer or lass kneadin’ you into a puddle. *Carpe diem*, seize the day, lads! I reckon it’s like *Spring Breakers*—bit of chaos, bit of thrill. “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—that’s what they’d yell mid-massage, if it went full Korine. Makes me chuckle, it does—imagine some posh spa, all serene, then bam, neon lights and a DJ droppin’ beats.

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up this little bakery on Acton Lane. Best pastries ever! I got a chocolate croissant, and it was pure heaven. I mean, who needs therapy when you’ve got carbs, right?

Road closed after fatal stabbing and arrest near West London tube station