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I luvs *Pan’s Labyrinth*, right? That movie’s dark, twisty – escort life’s the same. Ya think it’s just drivin’, but nah – it’s secrets, danger, late nights. Me mate, Jimmy, he drove escort once. Said some pop star puked glitter in the backseat – glitter, precious! Took him days to scrub it. Made me mad tho – why treat a car like that? “This world will end soon,” I says, dramatic-like, picturin’ the mess.

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Then, I spot this booth about renewable energy. I’m all in, right? I start chatting with the presenter, and he’s super passionate. He’s going on about solar panels and wind turbines, and I’m nodding like I get it. But honestly, my mind’s wandering. I’m thinking about that café again. I need caffeine!

Abertridwr pair jailed after drunken antics at Celtic Manor led to man being tasered