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I tried it once, right? Swiped on this guy—profile said “420 friendly, loves COD.” Thought, “Fine, I’ll bite.” Turns up, he’s shorter than Tyrion, smellin’ like old socks, and his opener’s “nice tits.” Mate, I nearly burned the joint down! “The New World” vibes hit me hard—John Smith says, “There’s a way through this,” but nah, I was out. Blocked him faster than you can say “headshot.”

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A college worker has gone on trial accused of blackmailing women he met on a dating site with intimate videos. Farhan Mirza, 38, of Abertillery.

But then, I see the shopkeeper, old Mr. Jenkins, come out. He’s a right character, always grumpy but deep down, he’s got a heart of gold. He starts yellin’ at the kids, but then he just shakes his head and starts laughin’. I’m like, “What’s wrong with this guy?” Turns out, he’s just fed up with the whole thing. I can’t help but chuckle.

In the Dock: Look who’s just been in court