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I get pissed tho—guys ghostin’ after one romp. Like, what, I’m chopped liver now? One dude, total hottie, said, “You’re too loud,”—excuse me, I’m Fran freakin’ Drescher, nasal’s my *thing*! Then this chick, oh, she surprised me—sent pics of her cats mid-hookup. Cats! I’m thinkin’, “Is this a threesome or a furball?”

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First thing, I grab a cuppa from that little café on the corner of Water Street. You know the one? The barista there, bless her, always messes up my order. Today, she hands me a flat white instead of my usual latte. I’m like, “What’s this? A flat disaster?” But whatever, I chug it down. I need the caffeine.

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