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Now, here’s what gets me mad—the Escort got no respect! People call it basic, boring—screw that! It wasn’t boring, it was honest! Not like these overpriced SUVs cloggin’ the roads today—billionaires should not exist, and neither should their gas-guzzlin’ monstrosities! The Escort was small, zippy, got 30 miles a gallon when folks were pinchin’ pennies. Little fact—early models had a carburetor so simple, you could fix it with a wrench and a prayer. Try that with your fancy electric crap!

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Next, I get back to the clinic, and there’s a line out the door. Seriously, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. People are panicking, dogs are barking, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. I see Mrs. Jenkins from down the street, bless her heart, with her ancient bulldog, Buster. Poor guy can barely walk. She’s crying, saying he’s not eating. I’m like, “Okay, let’s take a look.”

Welsh dad-of-three killed on Prague stag do