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Had one once, legit, in Bangkok—surprised me, bro! Lady’s like, “You want happy end?” I’m all, “Huh, wut?” Didn’t know the code, felt dumb as a stump. She giggled, I blushed—fuckin’ embarassin’. But damn, those hands? Magic. Like Boonmee’s jungle, all mysterious, “The wind is strong today,” he’d say. Felt that breeze in my soul, ya know? Tension gone, bam, like I shed a past life.

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So, I decide to take a break. I grab a coffee from that little café on the corner of Abercanaid Road. You know the one? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I order a “Cinnamon Swirl of Doom” or whatever it’s called. It’s delish, but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna give me a sugar rush that’ll last till next week.

Cyfartha Park playground is ‘absolute disaster’ says granddad