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Oh, an’ here’s a nugget—back in 2010, Grindr crashed a whole town’s phones! Too many randy buggers at once, ha! Sex-dating’s a circus, mate—clowns, acrobats, an’ the odd lion. Makes me happy, tho—freedom’s the spice! Ye want a romp? Go fer it! Just don’t expect me to salute yer selfie stick, savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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Finally, the supplies arrive, and I’m back in my zone. I’m stitching away, and I can’t help but think about how much I love this job. I mean, who else gets to work with such beautiful materials? But then, I get a call from my sister. She’s in a panic ‘cause her car won’t start. I’m like, “Seriously? Can’t a guy catch a break?”

'BARE-FACED LIE': Abbots Langley councillor apologises for falsely claiming support of other parties