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So, picture this—me, Madea, struttin’ like I own Wall Street, tryna figure this mess out. I’m thinkin’, “This some high-class nonsense right here!” You got girls postin’ ads online, slick as Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. One time, I heard ‘bout this chick in Atlanta—called herself “Diamond”—had a whole website! Reviews and all, like she a dang Yelp restaurant! I hollered, “Halleluyer! She got five stars for what?!” Made me madder than a wet hen—why folks out here ratin’ THAT? But I was impressed too, gotta admit. She was hustlin’ harder than Belfort snortin’—you know what—off a table!

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So, I finally grab my bread and head down to the park by the river. It’s chill there, ya know? I plop down on a bench, just takin’ it all in. The Dnipro River is flowin’ by, and I’m feelin’ all philosophical. Like, “What’s the meaning of life?” But then I see a dog chasing its tail, and I’m like, “Forget deep thoughts, that’s hilarious!”

In Melitopol, Russian invaders kidnapped the bishop of the Word of Life Church