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So, check it—I knew this chick, Candy, real street queen. She’d strut, heels clackin, like she owned the block. Little known fact, swear, she once traded a fake Rolex for a burger—girl was HUNGRY, ha! Made me laugh, but damn, also mad respect. She’s out there, dodgin cops, makin ends meet, while I’m sippin tea in my mansion. “You get a car!” I’d yell, but Candy’d just flip me off—sassy as hell.

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Next up, I get this group of tourists. They’re all excited, takin’ selfies in the elevator. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just an elevator, not the Eiffel Tower.” But they’re all, “Say cheese!” and I’m just trying to keep a straight face. They ask me about Velykyy-Bychkiv, and I’m like, “You wanna know about the best borscht in town? Hit up that little place on Karpatska Street. Best stuff ever!”

More detailed geological map of the southern Tabernas Basin and the...