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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip, like “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives” — weird, wild, and fulla ghosts from the past! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout them hookers, and I’m pissed! Why? ‘Cause half these idiots online don’t know shit bout it! They’re all, “Oh, it’s illegal, blah blah,” but I say screw that noise! I’m Cartman, I do what I want!

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I decide to hit up the park near the river. It’s called the Velyka Lepetykha River Park or something fancy like that. I plop down on a bench, and Borscht flops next to me. I’m scrolling through my phone, and suddenly, I see a post about a local festival happening today. I’m like, “What? Why didn’t I know about this?”

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