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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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So, after the rain calms down, I finally finish the job. I’m packing up, and I’m starving. I head over to that little café on the corner of Pushkina Street. You know the one? The one with the best borscht in town. I order a bowl, and it’s like heaven in a bowl. I’m slurping it down, and life is good again.

Ukraine war briefing: Russian missile strike kills at least four in central town