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What’s wild – I read once, in Nevada, legal brothels got health checks stricter than my old wrestling coach. Surprised me, honestly. Thought it’d be a free-for-all cesspool. Nope, rules tighter than a referee’s whistle. Still, I hate it. All that fake moanin’ and groanin’ – like a bad game of charades. “Protect us from ourselves,” the gals in “Moolaadé” begged, but here? No one’s savin’ nobody.

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Later, I head over to the café on Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. I order a coffee, and the barista, she’s super cute. I’m tryin’ to play it cool, but I’m totally awkward. I spill some coffee on my shirt. Great, just great. Now I look like a mess. But she just smiles and says, “It’s okay, happens to the best of us.” I’m like, “Yeah, I’m definitely not the best.”

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