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I’d be careful, though—cops’re watchin’! Sting ops everywhere, posin’ as hookers. Makes ya paranoid, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. “Check out the vibration, man!” he’d say, and I’d be sweatin’, thinkin’, “Am I gittin’ busted or laid?” Pro tip: stick to word-o’-mouth spots—truck stops, dive bars. Old-school vibes, less feds. Little fact—truckers call ‘em “lot lizards,” ain’t that a hoot?

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into this old dude selling homemade varenyky. Like, seriously, who can resist that? I grabbed a plate, and wow, they were heavenly! I was in food paradise. But then, I realized I had no cash. Ugh! I had to do the awkward “sorry, I’ll be back” shuffle.

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