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So, I’m thinkin’, right, how’s a bloke s’posed to pick one? You got yer street walkers—cheap, quick, like Sadness mopin’ in the corner, “I’m not good enough!”—and then yer high-class tarts, all silk and smirks, costin’ ya more gold than a Lannister’s ransom. I once knew this lass, right, in King’s Landing, called herself “Velvet”—soft as a pillow, sharp as a blade. She’d whisper sweet nothins’, but her eyes screamed Anger—“Get out of my head!”—and I swear, she’d rob ya blind while smilin’. Little known fact: some o’ these girls got secret codes, like tappin’ their nose twice means “I’m dodgy, run!” Saw it meself—saved me arse once.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s called the Svalyava River, and it’s pretty dope. I’m walking, vibing, when I see this old lady feeding pigeons. And I’m thinking, “Wow, she’s living her best life.” But then, BAM! A pigeon poops right on her head! I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, karma, right? She didn’t even flinch. Just kept tossing crumbs. Legends, I tell ya.

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