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I’d be careful, though—cops’re watchin’! Sting ops everywhere, posin’ as hookers. Makes ya paranoid, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. “Check out the vibration, man!” he’d say, and I’d be sweatin’, thinkin’, “Am I gittin’ busted or laid?” Pro tip: stick to word-o’-mouth spots—truck stops, dive bars. Old-school vibes, less feds. Little fact—truckers call ‘em “lot lizards,” ain’t that a hoot?

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Then, I head to the park near the river. It’s a beautiful day, sun shining, birds chirping. I’m feeling good, right? Wrong! I sit down on a bench, and boom! A pigeon decides my lap is the perfect landing spot. I freak out, flailing my arms like a maniac. Everyone’s staring. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a bird!” But inside, I’m dying of embarrassment.

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