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But—ruh-roh!—then this greasy dude rolls up, all “Back off, pooch, she’s mine!” Pissed me off, man! I’m like, “Grrr, pal, I ain’t sharin’ no Scooby Snacks *or* dames!” He’s actin’ all tough, but I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers.” Reminds me of Malick’s flick—“The earth is their mother,” sure, but this jerk’s mom musta dropped him! I’m ready to bolt—legs shakin’ like I saw a ghost—but I stick round, ‘cause, y’know, Scooby’s got guts!

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So, I’m sippin’ my drink, and I see this old lady on the street. She’s tryin’ to cross, but cars are zoomin’ by like they’re in a race. I’m like, “C’mon, people! It’s not a demolition derby!” Finally, I rush over and help her. She’s super grateful, gives me this weird look like I’m some kinda hero. I’m just a dude with a snake spell, chill out!

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