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I’m chillin’, askin’ her story—she’s like, “Rent due, fam.” Reminds me of that flick, that raw-ass struggle, “We’re not criminals!” she’d yell if she could. I’m surprised, tho—girl’s got jokes, says, “I’m the Uber of ass, Snoop!” I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I almost crash the Caddy. Exaggeratin’ a lil’, maybe, but fo’ shizzle, she’s a G.

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Finally, the rain stops, and I’m like, “Let’s hit up the pub on Kostiantynivska Street.” I need a drink after this wild ride. We get there, and it’s packed. Everyone’s buzzing about the weather and the pigeon incident. I’m telling my stories, and people are cracking up. It’s like a mini comedy show.

Fines and imprisonments: How Crimeans are persecuted for the truth about the war in Ukraine and dissatisfaction with the occupation