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But – ooh – happy bit! Sex-dating’s got perks, yesss. Quick hookups, no muckin’ about. Fact: 1 in 5 shags from apps now, true that! Beats courtin’ like some daft salmon swimmin’ upstream. Me, I’d dive in, raspy giggle, swipe swipe, “My precious!” – findin’ a gem in the muck. Once knew a lad, proper shy, scored a date off Bumble, now they’re shacked up! Surprised me, it did – thought he’d flounder forever!

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But then, this guy walks in, and he’s clearly had one too many. He starts singing some old Ukrainian folk song, and it was so off-key, I thought my ears were gonna bleed. Everyone was laughing, and I couldn’t help but join in. It was a moment, ya know?

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