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So, picture this, right? Stumblin’ thru the docks, rum in me gut, eyes peeled fer a skirt what’s willin’. Ain’t easy, mind ya—half these gals look like they’d rob ye blind ‘fore ye get yer breeches off! Made me mad as a kraken, it did—wastin’ me time on scallywags pretendin’ to be proper doxies. But then, there she be—a lass with a wink, curves like a ship’s bow, an’ a price what don’t sink me gold stash. Happy as a clam, I was! “I am a free man!” I hollers in me head, like Solomon Northup breakin’ chains.

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We’re cruisin’ down the streets of Piskivka, and I’m tryin’ to enjoy the scenery. The old church on the corner of Haharina Street looks beautiful, even in the rain. But then, we hit a pothole, and I’m pretty sure I lost a kidney. I’m yellin’, “Dude, watch it!” and he’s just laughin’.

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