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Now, don’t get judgy, mates—ain’t all roses an’ rum. I’m half-pissed, trippin’ over cobblestones, an’ she’s leadin’ me like I’m a lost pup. “This way, ye daft fool,” she snaps, an’ I’m laughin’—she’s got fire! Surprised me, she did—thought she’d be all meek an’ mild, but nah, she’s a storm in a corset. “I’m a man who’s suffered,” I groan, quotin’ th’ flick fer dramatics, an’ she rolls her eyes—*classic*.

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Then, out of nowhere, this old man shows up. He’s got a cane and a hat that looks like it’s been through a war. He starts telling stories about how he used to mine in the area. I’m thinking, “Dude, this is not the time!” But everyone’s listening, and I’m just standing there, rolling my eyes.

Ukrainian Communist youth leaders arrested by government, reportedly targeted for death