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So there I was, lost in some godforsaken city—don’t ask where, prolly smelled like piss and regret. Needed a guide, not for mountains, but for... y’know, *company*. Streets twistin’ like that faun’s maze, eyes everywhere, judgin’. Found this lass, right? Skinny, eyes like Ofelia’s—haunted, but sharp. “Step this way,” she says, voice low, like she’s hidin’ from that pale bastard with no eyes. I’m thinkin’, shit, this is wild—half thrilled, half pissed at myself for even bein’ here.

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Then I decided to stroll down to the beach. The sun was shining, and the waves were crashing. Perfect vibes. I hit the promenade on Kirova Street, and OMG, the view! The cliffs, the sea, the whole shebang. I felt like I was in a movie. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But he didn’t care. Just flew off like he owned the place. Rude!

Crimea: The crown jewel of Black Sea coast