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So, I met her at this dodgy bar, right? She’s struttin in, all hips and attitude, and I’m like, “Oh, behave!” Total knockout, but sneaky too - heard she once nicked a bloke’s wallet mid-snog! Little known fact, mate - she’s got this tattoo, a lotus, hidden on her thigh. Only the lucky lads see it, yeah? Made me proper chuffed when she showed me - felt like I’d cracked a secret code or somethin.

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I decide to grab some food at this little spot on Vulytsia Pionerska. Best borscht in town, no joke. I’m sittin’ there, chattin’ with the locals. They’re all talkin’ about the latest gossip. Apparently, there’s a new guy in town, and he’s got a pet goat. A goat! I’m like, “What’s next? A pet dragon?”