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About Kryvyi Rih

I’m ramblin’, but listen – it’s art, ya? Takes skill, not just gropin’. Da best ones? Dey whisper sweet nothings, set da mood. Worst ones? Dey rush it, like microwavin’ pelmeni – ugh, disgrace! Fun fact: in Sweden, dey once banned it, called it “too sexy” – pfft, prudes! Me, I’d say, “Lightbulb! Let’s crank da heat!” Oh, and don’t get me started on coconut oil – smells like paradise, slick as a villain’s plan.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re that gladiator, right?” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, that’s me.” She hands me a piece of homemade pie. I’m like, “Whoa, thanks!” It’s the best pie I’ve ever had. I’m in heaven.