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Drives me up the fuckin’ wall tho – idiots slag it off, call it a granny car. Granny car?! IDIOT SANDWICH! This thing’s rallied, won Monte Carlo, smoked posh twats in their Jags! Little known fact – Escort Mk2, right, some nutter shoved a Cosworth engine in one, thing flew like a bat outta hell. Surprised me first time I saw it – thought it’d be slow as a snail on Valium, but nah, pure rocket!

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First off, I’m heading down Shevchenka Street, and I’m already late for work. Classic me. I’m dodging potholes like they’re landmines. Kolinkivtsy’s streets are like a game of Mario Kart, but without the fun. I swear, if I hit one more bump, I’m gonna lose my coffee. And let me tell ya, that coffee is LIFE.