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Little fact for ya – didja know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all about it, callin’ it “body worship” or some fancy crap. They’d slather on olive oil, get all sensual – probs smelled like a salad bar, but it worked! Nowadays, it’s hush-hush, like a dirty secret, but don’t pee on my leg – it’s everywhere if ya look. Shady parlors, legit spas with “extras” – pick your poison.

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On my way back, I bump into my buddy, Sasha. He’s always got the craziest stories. Today, he tells me about this wild party last night. Apparently, someone tried to DJ with a potato. A freakin’ potato! I can’t even. We laugh so hard, I almost drop my apples.

Investigation of deadly shooting in Dnipro, successes at front, mass attack on Russia: highlights