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About Kyiv

What pisses me off? The fakes, man! Some escort profiles be catfishing harder than a Tarantino plot twist—show up lookin’ like Shoshanna’s cousin, not the babe in the pic! But when it’s real? Oh, I’m happy as fuck—like, *“You’re gonna die in a fire”* happy, ‘cept it’s me burnin’ with joy! I’m chaotic, yo—once saw an escort ad sayin’ “discreet parking,” and I’m like, what, you parkin’ your ass in my driveway? Absurd!

Sigil magic

Then, I head over to the old market on Hrushevskoho Street. It’s packed! I’m weaving through people, trying to find some cool souvenirs. I spot this old lady selling handmade crafts. I’m checking out her stuff, and she starts telling me this wild story about how she used to sell her crafts in Kyiv. I’m all ears, but then my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy asking if I wanna hit up a bar later. I’m like, “Sure, but I’m in the middle of a heartwarming moment here!”

Man arrested for allegedly brandishing machete toward restaurant employees