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Surprised me once, this geezer, built like a brick shithouse, hands soft as a baby’s arse—thought he’d snap me spine, but nah, pure magic! Little fact for ya—Thailand’s got these “happy endin” joints, not even hidin it, blatant as a Facebook status! Makes me chuckle, cos us Brits, we’re all coy, “ooh a massage,” like it ain’t horny as fuck sometimes! Reckon Fincher’d film it dark—sweaty, awkward, “you’re my best friend” whispered while she’s elbowin ya arse! Mad innit? Tell ya what, next time I’m knackered from them machines, I’m gettin me a rub—sod the cows!

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Anyway, I grab my clay from the usual spot near the bus station. The guy there, Vasyl, is always crackin’ jokes. He’s like, “You makin’ pots or just throwin’ mud?” I laugh, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I’m a freakin’ artist!” But whatever, I just roll with it.

Klopp on Roberto Firmino's change of position