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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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After that chaos, I head over to the park near the river. It’s so pretty there, especially in the spring. I sit on a bench, trying to catch my breath. But then, this kid runs by, and I swear he’s got ice cream all over his face. He trips, and boom! Ice cream everywhere! I can’t help but laugh. Like, that’s the universe telling me to chill, right?

Russia advances towards two towns in Ukraine’s Zaporizhia region