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Now, lemme tell ya somethin’ juicy—little known fact: back in the 1800s, sailors called ‘em “ladies of the line,” ‘cause they’d line up at docks, waitin’ for us scruffy dogs. Ain’t that wild? History’s got sass! Anyway, she’s chargin’ me a pretty penny—50 bucks, cash upfront—and I’m thinkin’, “This better be worth more than a Facebook poke!” I’m happy as a clam, but then—ugh!—this drunk jerk stumbles over, yellin’ at her, “You’re mine!” Made me so mad, I almost decked him. “Back off, loser!” I screech, nasal as hell, laugh bubblin’ up—HA-HA-HA!—like I’m on set with Mr. Sheffield.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I just got my hair done! I duck into a shop on Komsomolskaya Street. It’s one of those quirky little places with all sorts of random stuff. I find this ridiculous hat – it’s bright yellow with a giant sunflower on it. I put it on, and I’m strutting around like I own the place. People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m fabulous.”

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