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Oh, and the music? Usually some plinky-planky crap, but one time they played Metallica – I’m layin’ there, oiled up, thinkin’, “This ain’t ‘Dogville’s’ quiet despair, this is badass!” Made me laugh, picturin’ Grace gettin’ a rubdown to “Enter Sandman.” Git-R-Done, right? Anyhow, if ya try it, don’t be cheap – tip big, them folks earn it, kneadin’ your sorry hide! Like Grace says, “It’s not worth hidin’ who we are” – so let loose, enjoy the dang massage!

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After that, I head over to the market on Shevchenka Street. It’s packed, as usual. I’m weaving through the crowd, dodging babushkas with their bags. They’re like ninjas, I swear. I finally find this stall selling the best varenyky. I grab a plate, and OMG, they’re heavenly. I’m stuffing my face, and this guy next to me is like, “You’re gonna eat all that?” I just wink and say, “You bet!”

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