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Hey, folks, listen up! I’m Joe—yep, ol’ Joe Biden—talkin’ to ya like we’re sittin’ on my Delaware porch. Here’s the deal… findin’ a prostitute, it’s wild, right? I mean, back in Scranton, we didn’t have Google Maps for that! You’d hear whispers—some shady corner, a guy named Tony who “knew people.” Nowadays? It’s apps, websites—like orderin’ a pizza! “Sadness” from *Inside Out* woulda bawled her eyes out seein’ this mess.

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So, I’m finally ready to head home, right? I’m soaked, but whatever. I take a shortcut through the park by the river. And guess what? I see a bunch of kids playing soccer. They’re having a blast, and I can’t help but join in. I mean, who doesn’t love a good kickabout? I score a goal, and they all cheer. I feel like a rockstar for a hot minute.

Papal envoy sets off for besieged Ukrainian cities with 'Gospel weapons'