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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? The Dnipro flows by, and there’s this little café. I grab a coffee (again) and sit down. Just chillin’. Then I see this kid flying a kite. It’s all colorful and stuff. I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.”

Ukrainian drone hits oil pumping station