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Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Sasha. He’s like, “Hey, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!” I tell him about the mural, the coffee spill, the music. He laughs and says, “Welcome to Dobropillia, my friend!” We decide to grab some lunch at this little spot on Kostiantynivska Street. The food is bomb, but the service? Not so much. We wait forever! I’m about to lose it, but then the waiter brings us complimentary drinks. Okay, fine, I forgive you, dude.

Ongoing medical needs amid relentless attacks in Dobropillia, eastern Ukraine