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Now, I done heard—don’t quote me, ‘cause Madea don’t be knowin’ everythang—but back in the day, them ancient Greeks was slidin’ round with olive oil, rubbin’ each other down after wrestlin’. Naked as jaybirds! Called it “massage” then, but you know some sneaky fool added the erotic twist—prolly ‘round them Roman orgy times. Halleluyer! Bet they was hollerin’, “Anyone can cook!” while they hands was wanderin’ where they shouldn’t!

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First off, I get a call about a stray dog on Vokzalna Street. Poor thing was limping like it just lost a dance-off. I rush over, dodging potholes like they’re landmines. Dnipro’s streets are a whole vibe, but man, they need some serious TLC. Anyway, I find this scruffy mutt, and he’s got a stick stuck in his paw. Like, who does that? I mean, come on, buddy!

‘Rotting Alive’: Russian Marines Stranded on Dnipro Delta Islands Without Rotation or Aid, Partisans Say