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Precious, yesss, a Kvasnik I am! Me thinks about findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty business, tricksy streets, but ohhh, the colors! Like “Far From Heaven,” see? All pretty on top, rotten underneath—*“It’s all so perfect!”*—hah! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! Walkin’ down alleys, dark, stinky, lookin’ for a lass. Not the shiny ones, nah, too pricey. I’m talkin’ the real ones, y’know? Been around since forever—fact is, oldest job ever, innit? Even Romans had ‘em, lupanars they called ‘em, wolf dens! Howlin’ good time, eh?

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Finally, I escape and head to the park by the river. It’s chill there, ya know? Kids are playin’, dogs are barkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to soak it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid throws a frisbee and it smacks me right in the face! I’m like, “What the heck, man?” The kid just laughs and runs off. I’m standin’ there, feelin’ like a total clown.

Ukrainian troops in Chasiv Yar respond to Trump: ‘Russia does not want peace, it wants to destroy us’