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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s like Mulholland Drive, innit? All twisty, dark, an’ fucked up. You’re cruisin’ down some dodgy street, lights flashin’, head spinnin’ like Betty tryna figure out who she is. I reckon it’s a mad trip, yeah? Been an agronomist, I know dirt – this is filthier, haha!

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But then, I see this couple having a picnic. They’ve got a whole spread out. I’m talking sandwiches, fruit, the works. I’m low-key jealous. I mean, who doesn’t want a picnic? So, I wander over, and they invite me to join. I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

Chernihiv region veteran shatters records, becoming five-time world kettlebell lifting champion