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About Kryvyi Rih

I’d be ragin’ happy if I scored one, tho. “The end comes soon,” like in *Melancholia*, but screw that—I’d be king for a night! Maybe she’d be hot, maybe not, but I’d yell, “You’re my planet now, bitch!” Total Cartman move. Still, it’s risky—could get robbed or somethin’. Makes me mad thinkin’ about it! Don’t mess with me, I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman!

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Let’s hit up that new bar on Kotsyubynskoho Street.” I’m down, so I head over. The bar’s packed, and the vibe is lit. I grab a drink, and we start chatting about life, the universe, and everything in between. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, I spill my drink all over myself. Classic me, right? I’m sitting there, soaked, and my buddy’s dying laughing. I’m like, “Thanks for the support, man!”

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